Yesterday, you were everyone’s favorite teammate.

Today, you’re their supervisor.

You still want to be part of the group. You don’t want anyone thinking your promotion has changed you. So when a former coworker misses a deadline or doesn’t complete their work, you let it slide.

Sometimes you quietly finish the work yourself.

Six months later, you’re exhausted. Your strongest employees are frustrated. And people are starting to notice that not everyone is being held to the same standards.

You wanted to keep your friendships. Instead, you’re losing your team’s trust.

That’s the situation Dean Kathy, Dr. Lisa, and Dr. Karmel explored in this BestieFinder Office Hours conversation.

The question isn’t whether you can still be friends with your former coworkers.

It’s how to lead them fairly when you’re no longer just one of the team.

Being a Great Teammate Doesn’t Automatically Make You a Great Manager

A promotion often recognizes someone’s experience, reliability, or ability to get results.

Maybe they’re the person everyone turns to when something goes wrong. They know the customers, understand the systems, and can step in when the team gets overwhelmed.

Those are valuable strengths.

But supervising people requires additional skills.

A manager has to explain expectations, address performance problems, distribute work fairly, and make decisions that won’t always make everyone happy.

When someone is promoted from within the team, those responsibilities can clash with old relationships.

The new supervisor may think:

“I don’t want them to feel like I’ve changed.”

So she lets a missed deadline slide.

Then she covers an unfinished task.

Then she gives a friend another chance without explaining why.

Each decision might seem small. But together, they send a message to the rest of the team:

Some people are held accountable. Others aren’t.

That’s when a friendship problem becomes a leadership problem.

What Favoritism Looks Like From the Other Side

Dr. Karmel shared an experience from her time working as a medical technologist.

When employees were promoted to lead their former coworkers, some gave their friends preferred schedules, easier assignments, or desirable days off.

For the employees outside that circle, the problem wasn’t simply that their supervisor had friends.

It was that those friendships appeared to affect how work was assigned.

Dr. Karmel described feeling as though she had no voice. Strong employees were left carrying extra responsibilities while others received better treatment.

Eventually, she began thinking about leaving.

That’s an important warning for business owners and managers.

When you avoid one uncomfortable conversation with a friend, you may create a much bigger problem for everyone else.

Your strongest employees notice who gets the difficult assignments.

They notice who can miss deadlines without consequences.

And they notice whether speaking up leads to lasting change—or just a temporary adjustment before everything returns to normal.

A manager may believe they’re keeping the peace.

The team may see something very different.

How Your Motivational Gifts Can Influence Your Leadership

At BestieFinder, we use Gift Intelligence to explore how motivational Gifts influence the way people communicate, make decisions, respond to conflict, and work together.

Understanding your Gifts doesn’t excuse poor leadership decisions.

It helps you recognize patterns so you can choose how to respond rather than simply repeating what’s familiar.

During Office Hours, the coaches discussed several ways different Gifts might show up in this situation.

The Compassion Gift: When Helping Becomes Avoiding

A manager who is sensitive to other people’s needs may find it difficult to correct someone they care about.

They may know an employee needs the job, is having a hard week, or would be embarrassed by a performance conversation.

That awareness can make them a thoughtful leader.

But it can also become a challenge if they consistently put one person’s comfort ahead of the team’s needs.

The leadership question: Am I helping this employee improve, or am I protecting them from a conversation we need to have?

The Administrator Gift: Bringing Expectations Back Into Focus

An Administrator may be especially attentive to responsibilities, systems, and getting the work completed.

That perspective can help a new manager define what each role requires.

Instead of deciding based on friendship, the manager can return to concrete questions:

• What does this position require?
• Does this person have the skills to do the work?
• What expectations have we communicated?
• Are we applying those expectations consistently?

The leadership question: Are our decisions based on the work that needs to be done, or on who we feel most comfortable with?

The Perceiver Gift: Recognizing Problems Early

Dean Kathy discussed the importance of paying attention when you sense a potential problem.

A manager may already be concerned about supervising a former peer. Perhaps they’ve noticed resistance, unclear boundaries, or a pattern of missed commitments.

Those concerns deserve attention.

But an impression isn’t the same as proof. It’s a reason to ask questions, clarify expectations, and watch what actually happens.

The leadership question: What am I noticing, and what conversation or evidence would help me understand it better?

The Exhorter Gift: Speaking Up and Encouraging Change

The coaches also explored how an Exhorter may approach difficult situations through communication and encouragement.

An employee who raises a concern may be trying to improve how the team works—not simply criticizing the manager.

A supervisor who recognizes that possibility is better positioned to listen.

Encouragement matters, too. A new manager can support employees while still addressing missed expectations.

The leadership question: Am I listening for what this person is trying to improve, or am I reacting to how uncomfortable the conversation feels?

Other Gifts May Respond Differently

Dean Kathy pointed out that employees won’t all respond to unfairness in the same way.

One person may speak directly.

Another may try to bring everyone together.

Someone else may quietly keep doing the extra work.

That’s why Gift Intelligence matters here.

Silence doesn’t necessarily mean agreement, and speaking up doesn’t necessarily mean someone is being difficult.

The goal is to understand the person and the situation before deciding how to respond.

Your Employees Might Be Communicating, Not Complaining

One of the strongest points in the Office Hours conversation came when Dean Kathy challenged the way managers interpret employee concerns.

A supervisor might think:

“Here they come again. They’ve always got something to complain about.”

But what if the employee is pointing out a problem the manager hasn’t addressed?

Perhaps they’re consistently working weekends while someone else gets preferred shifts.

Perhaps they’re completing tasks that belong to another employee.

Perhaps they’ve raised the same issue three times without seeing a change.

That doesn’t mean every complaint is automatically correct.

It means a manager should examine the concern before dismissing the person who raised it.

Dr. Karmel encouraged employees to begin with a conversation, too.

Instead of assuming the manager is acting deliberately, describe what you’ve observed and ask to discuss it.

For example:

“I’ve noticed that the same two people are regularly covering unfinished work. Can we talk about how assignments are being handled?”

That gives the supervisor a specific issue to address.

And it gives the employee a chance to see whether the manager is willing to respond.

Three Things to Do When You Become the Boss of Your Former Coworkers

You don’t have to stop being friendly with people just because your job title changes.

But you do need to make your responsibilities clear.

1. Have the Conversation Early

Don’t wait six months for resentment to build.

When you become the supervisor, acknowledge the change directly.

You might say:

“We’ve worked together as teammates, and I value those relationships. My new role means I’m also responsible for schedules, performance, and making sure the work is shared fairly. I want us to be able to talk openly when something isn’t working.”

That conversation won’t solve every problem.

But it establishes that the relationship has changed and that you’re willing to address it.

2. Set Standards You Can Apply to Everyone

Choose a few expectations that are easy to observe.

For example:

• Work assignments are completed by the agreed deadline.
• Schedule requests follow the same process.
• Missed work is addressed with the person responsible.
• Employees know how to raise concerns.

Then ask yourself whether you’re applying those standards consistently.

If your friend misses a deadline, address it.

If another employee misses the same deadline, address it with the same level of fairness.

Consistency doesn’t mean ignoring individual circumstances. It means using a fair process rather than making exceptions based on personal relationships.

3. Stop Quietly Doing Everyone Else’s Work

A manager who keeps rescuing underperforming employees may think they’re helping the team.

But someone still has to carry that extra work.

Sometimes it’s the manager.

Sometimes it’s the strongest employees.

Either way, the original performance problem remains.

Instead of automatically taking over, ask:

“What prevented this from getting done, and what needs to happen next time?”

The answer might reveal a training gap, an unrealistic workload, unclear instructions, or a performance concern.

Each calls for a different response.

You can’t address the right problem if you keep hiding it by doing the work yourself.

What If You’re the Employee Who’s Picking Up the Slack?

This episode wasn’t only for managers.

Dr. Karmel’s experience highlighted what happens when employees feel they can’t raise concerns safely or expect a fair response.

If you’re in that position, start with what you can document.

Which assignments are being distributed unevenly?

How often are you covering someone else’s work?

What have you already raised with your supervisor?

Bring specific examples to a conversation rather than relying only on frustration.

Ask what will change and when you can revisit the issue.

If the problem continues, consider the appropriate next step through your organization’s reporting process.

You can give someone an opportunity to respond without agreeing to carry an unfair workload indefinitely.

New Managers Need Coaching, Too

Dr. Lisa made an important point during Office Hours: someone may have been acting as an informal leader long before receiving the title.

They may have been the experienced teammate, the problem solver, or the person everyone trusted.

But that doesn’t mean they’ve been taught how to supervise.

A promotion changes your responsibilities. It doesn’t automatically give you the skills to handle them.

New managers may need help learning how to:

• Give feedback without attacking the person.
• Address poor performance without avoiding the conversation.
• Listen to concerns without becoming defensive.
• Set boundaries with former peers.
• Recognize how different motivational Gifts affect team dynamics.

Those are skills that can be practiced.

And the earlier a new manager starts, the less likely small problems are to become reasons good employees leave.

Friendship and Accountability Can Coexist

You don’t have to become cold, distant, or unapproachable to be a good supervisor.

You can still care about your coworkers.

You can still encourage them.

You can still recognize what makes each person valuable.

But you also have to make decisions that protect the work and the team as a whole.

The question isn’t whether your former coworkers still like you.

It’s whether they can trust you to treat people fairly, address problems, and help the team succeed.

You can be friendly with your team without making friendship the standard for how people are managed.

Ready to Grow Into Your Next Level of Leadership?

If you’re running a business, building a team, or learning to lead people who used to be your peers, your own habits can make the difference between a team that works together and one that depends on you to solve every problem.

Business Besties combines 12 small-group coaching sessions and 12 private coaching sessions over one year.

You’ll have opportunities to examine your leadership patterns, understand how motivational Gifts influence your decisions and relationships, and work through real situations in your business.

Apply & Book Your Discovery Call

Watch the Office Hours Conversation

Join Dean Kathy, Dr. Lisa Richardson, and Dr. Karmel as they explore promotions, favoritism, employee frustration, and the challenges of managing former peers.

New to Gift Intelligence? Explore the DiscoverYOU Gifts Course to learn more about your own motivational Gifts.